Still Trying to "Out Parent" Our Parents

Holy Crap!! Lots have happened since I posted almost 3 years ago. Let's see, "weed" has been legalized in a few states, Patrick Swayze died, we are still at war (no matter what anyone says), Mad Men is on its final season EVER, and "50 Shades of Gray" became a movie, oh I do believe our country is going to the Shitter. My personal opinion of course, but some of the problem is people don't talk anymore. My children freak out if they have to make a PHONE CALL and TALK on the phone!!

The Kids: "Like OMG, like do I have to really talk to like, a real like, person?"

Me: "It would be good practice for you to actually speak to a real live human being."

Then I think about the statement I just said. "Good practice"? They are 15 and 17 years old...They shouldn't NEED practice!...but they DO. And that's the sad ugly truth. They are so uneducated on how the real world works, kids don't shake hands anymore, no car doors being opened for girls, what happened to looking the parents in the eyes, or don't lie to parents?!? And if a guy does open the car door for the girl she is so grateful. So much that she would sex with him that night or "just" give him a blow job. That is because he "respected" her from the very beginning of the date, but probably not at the end or next day. It is so sad how our girls' standards for boyfriends have just gone down low low low. And the boys don't even care.

Young men are getting arrested more now then ever, and in their middle school and high school years. Charges ranging from domestic battery to assault & batter to murder. I know that in my Blogs I'm always ripping on parents and children saying that they are out of control and blah, blah, blah. But this hits very close to my heart. I was a victim of abuse in high school by a boyfriend. I hid it from everyone, I was very good at hiding it and making up stories. No one had any idea, only one time was he caught. That was because he shattered my car door window and he had to pay for a new one. My mother warned me that night as she was helping pick glass pieces out of my hair. She warned, "Push will come to shove". I knew what she meant, but there was no way I was going to get out, plus I didn't think he would hurt me again. Well, I was wrong... he did. He was sent to the principle's office several times for hitting me in the hallways at school. Never once did the school call my parents, and my mom worked for the school district!...but so did his.

The abuse went on for years. I didn't tell a soul until I started dating my husband. It took me six years to tell someone about everything I went through. My husband has been by my side and never left for almost 30 years. He is an amazing man and I'm lucky. Just recently have I been able to face my fear of this old boyfriend of mine. He tried to crawl and creep his way back into my life after 25 years. All because he is getting a divorce from his second wife, whom he physically and emotionally abused. I looked up his past criminal record and it showed that his first wife had a restraining order against him too. He is not a good man, but yet women like him, is it because he held the door open for them on a date? Maybe he has a steady job and that is enough for some women, their lives are worth a paycheck. I don't know, I can't even explained why I stayed for almost 3 years with him...but I did. And if you know me I don't think in a minute you would believe that I would put up this...but I did.

My point is, people as a whole, we are not treating each other very well. It's not a man thing VS woman thing or "Mars VS Venus" thing, this is a Calm Down, Be Nice, Grow Up, Have Self Respect, & Own Your Actions thing. I think that young men are hurting young ladies because they are little boys inside. They are used to getting their own way and throw fits when they can't what they want. And who is to blame for that...That's right...The Parents!!! Girls are no angels, please don't think you're off the hook. Girls need to hold these boys to higher standards, and hold yourselves up to way higher standards. For instance, guys paying for dates, having manners, not using foul language, and greeting the parents properly EVERYTIME he picks you up is NOT a lot to ask. Just because he pays for dinner doesn't mean he gets to have his way with you for desert, that is NOT the way it works! A person that cares about someone doesn't call that person names. That is just a fact! There have been just a handful of times I have overheard a punk kid calls his girlfriend a "Bitch". Again, if you know me I don't think for one minute you would think I would let this just go by without words between the punk and I.

As parents we have a huge responsibility. But it is also a time for creativity and redemption. As parents we have an opportunity to "Out Parent" our own parents. As you were being punished don't you remember the countless times you vowed to let YOUR CHILDREN DO this or that. How about when you vowed that you WOULD NEVER let your children do chores! That is always my favorite to reflect on. Well, this is our chance to be those parents! I feel like we are letting down our children, because we are so selfish. Why not try to listen to them, think if what you are about to say is going to build them up or bring them down. Let's teach our boys to be men and our girls to be ladies. Let's vow to teach them to Calm Down, Be Nice, Grow Up, Have Self Respect, & Own Their Actions...

Learn...Love...Live

I have so many little half done projects. That is not true, I have quarter done projects. I have two books that I have started and we are packing to move. That is right we are moving, but I don't have a clue where. If I had my choice we would move up to Parkville, but it is a family decision and as it looks now we are staying put in Olathe, KS. I'm not that happiest camper in the woods but what is a girl to do. Along with this move comes a bunch of emotions. Our children are the ones that are truly affected by this. Our High School Freshman daughter and our 7th grader are not happy about this. This is the only home they know, this is the only area they know, and this will uproot them from their comfortable lives. But life isn't always comfortable.

So how are they handling this? They are doing what most teenagers do...rebel. Not in a really bad way, but they are stressed and unless we talk about what is going on they're going to be stressed and grounded. What we do in our family is hold, "Family Meetings". Anyone can call them, but whomever calls it has to lead the meeting. This is a safe place for the kids to speak of their emotions, struggles, and worries to the family. It help keeps the communication flowing in the house. But if you know myself and my family there is never a loss for words. We all have very passionate and strong personalities, this is not always a good mix. It does help us love hard, cry hard, and live full lives.

In our meetings we have to have a speak stick. If we didn't have one everyone would speak all at once and nothing would get solved. We do have some rules that go along with these meetings:

1. Whoever has the "Speak Stick" is the only one speaking
2. What is said in the meeting stays in the meeting
3. After something is said it can't be brought up against them.
4. It's time to be truthful
5. The meeting must be a safe place
6. When meeting is over no one can leave with unanswered questions or unaddressed feelings
7. We must play a game or watch a movie together when meeting is over
8. Must love each other unconditionally
9. Must say one thing nice to each other when meeting is closing
10. Again, Nothing leaves the meeting

This is one way to stop behavior before it starts or nip it in the bud. When family expresses concerns about a situation or feeling with each other then they learn how to control their feelings. Nothing is ever permanent and life is in constant change. A bad thing is always a learning thing. Try a family meeting someday, you will notice stress disappears and kindness with love appears. Good Luck

It IS YOUR Business...

I feel like I haven't written a Blog in a minute. Anyone who doesn't get the "minute" comment obviously hasn't seen the movie "Project X". I have....obviously. Watching that movie reminds me of how important it is, as a parent, to be completely and 100% involved in my children's lives. It is too bad my children sometimes don't feel that way. But at the end of the day I can rest better knowing that I put 110% effort in raising my children. Really, their not "My" children, they're "Our" children considering that I'm still married to their Father and have been for almost 20 years (we've been together for 24 years). It's so nice knowing that I don't have to do this thing called parenting on my own. Mike, my husband/their Father, and I try very hard to back each other up when it comes to our children.

By no means am I stating that we are the perfect couple or the perfect family. That would be a flat out lie. I am simply stating that Mike and I made it a priority to raise loving, moral, and strong children. When we dated we always talked about how we would like our children's upbringing to be. We always knew that I would stay home with the kids and take care of the everyday household duties. I know I have a college degree, but my career path was going to be our family. We always knew that Mike would be the main source of income. We also KNEW that we wanted our children to grow up with Jesus in their lives. We knew all of this about each other before we were married, had children, and settled into a home or church. God is very important to us..even when we were dating.

I sleep better knowing that our children have a solid foundation of Christianity. So that way, when our children are in their 20's 30's 40's and so on(which Nate is 24 years old) and going out or doing whatever, they will know God is with them, always. Statistics show that children raised with The Church, even though they may walk away from Jesus for some reason or another, are more likely to raise their children with The Church....

*For those of you who are thinking the word "church" as to mean a building
with people there on Wednesday nights and/or Sunday mornings please let me
correct you. The word "Church" means The Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ
is "The Church".
*I didn't use the word "Religion" because religion is man made, but
Christianity is Christ made.

My point is...

Parents please, if you haven't yet then please start, to get involved in your child's life. It IS YOUR business what they do! It IS YOUR business who they are with! It IS YOUR business to ask questions! It IS YOUR business to give your child boundaries. It IS YOUR business to make rules! It IS YOUR business to be involved! It IS YOUR

To Be Continued.....

Bully VS Coward

I have watched my children and their friends go through a roller coaster of emotions with Facebook and Twitter. All of it is uncalled for. The media has dubbed it, "Cyber Bullying", but that is giving it too much power with the word "Bully" in it. Back in the day, you know cause I'm real old, when encountering a "bully" it was a face to face thing. The people had to look each other in the eyes and say or do what they intended to do. Now it is like word and picture vomit, but only worse because these kids have no clue about what they are saying or doing. I know, I know, you are going to say, "Well, my children have never experienced that or would never do that". I have two words for you....You're Ignorant. If you are truly thinking that, you better do a parenting check, because you have just proved to yourself that you are not engaged in your children's lives. So for the rest of this Blog I will not call it "bullying" it is truly being a "coward".

I know this has happened to all 4 of our children. They have been on both sides, being the coward and being the victim of someone being a coward. It's not cool and they were punished for when they did it and comforted when it happened to them. Also, there were times that I had to take over the situation, which if anyone knows myself and my family, that is not a good thing. I will and have gone after the people/families that have been cowards towards us. Don't mess with my family, enough said.

But something came to my attention just the other day and it truly disturbed me. A friend of one of my daughters was threatened on Twitter by a couple of girls (if you want to call them that). This friend of our family was in deep distress, she didn't even go to the commitments she had to do in fear of running into them. The reason is because the cowards said that they were going to beat her until she was dead. Now if I remember correctly isn't that a law breaking threat? But that isn't even the half of it! This all started because of a boy posting a very rude and personal comment about my daughter's friend. One which is no ones business, and for a "boy" to get involved in a teenage girl fight is ridiculous. This just sends messages to boys that it is OK to treat girls like dirt and they have the right to degrade them in any way. In turn it is telling the girls that boys are mean, to be afraid of them because they will hurt you emotionally and possibly physically. This doesn't sit well with me at all.

And as for me, I know with my BPD I have to lay low and chill. I have to see what comes from this, but inside I want to call/visit the cowards (in which I know personally) and their families and let them have it. But I won't....I have to stop, breath, and figure out my next move, if there is one. I will not let this continue to happen to the beautiful girls and boys in my children's life. I will do the right thing and stick to my morals and beliefs. I will always do my best to make sure that our children don't become the cowards. We want them to be strong but kind, loving and not lusting, Christians and not religious, and to always be in control of the things they do and say.

To be continued.........

"Big Joe's Bar"

Here's one for you all......My youngest son, Joe, who is only 12 years old wanted to open a bar. So we had a long chat about it, and his idea about this even though it was "crazy" it's also very imaginative. Joe sat me down and explained to me that he wants to open a bar here in the house...OUR house. Specifically, in his bedroom. I asked him what he was going to serve. He told me beer, wine, juice boxes, and soda. It took so much for me not to laugh in his face, but he was extremely serious about this and I didn't want to discourage him. So we took this "Bar" idea for a spin.

I asked him what the name was going to be and he said, "Joe's Bar". So together we brainstormed about different names for his bar and decided on "Big Joe's Bar". I explained to him that he needs to have a liquor's license for this, and he told me "No Problem, I can get that easy". The snag came when I told him I do not want adults and kids trampling in my house and up my stairs to his room. That one caught him off guard (like really? Are you serious?). He had to stop and think on that one.

After a few minutes of thinking about it he jumped right back into the conversation and stated that "Big Joe's Bar" would be a traveling bar. And thankfully after a couple minutes of persuasion he decided to drop the beer and wine and just cater to kids with juice boxes,soda, and possibly energy drinks. He is going to put the drinks in our cooler that rolls and sell the drinks at our neighborhood pool and other pools around here. It's actually is a great idea, I know our pool doesn't have a vending machine. So prices start at, one juice box is going to be $1.00, soda $1.50, and he might include energy drinks which would be $2.00. I love this kid so much, and I love the ideas he comes up with.

This was just one of many, another one of his ideas was to pickup dog poop. But I will leave that story for another day.

What to do, What to do?????

When getting thrown curve balls you hit them the best you can. I believe that's the way life is. Life is never straight on target, you get curves and then you learn to roll with them. It's your choice if you roll with the curves with ease or resistance. I do a bit of both. There are some things that I feel so strongly about, that I will not compromise my morals. And then there is just the opposite. Sometimes a little of this and a little of that is not so bad. ALL IN MODERATION!!!

I do wish I had more drive to make some changes in my life. I was a triathlete from 2000 till 2004, with only 11% body fat. Yeah, I was looking good (if I may say so myself). But then I needed to slow down but I wouldn't, not even after 4 left knee surgeries. And running a half marathon with meningitis. After that I got really sick, and had to quit everything. And I got fat and somewhat lazy, as far as exercising goes. But at that time I wasn't healthy I was fit. There is a big difference between the two. Basically my body shut down, and I lost what my identity was back then. I was a triathlete, mom, wife, and then Christian. So me "having" to slow my life down was a blessing....in disguise.

I have always been one to have a "title". I was a kid, High School Graduate, College Graduate, Christian, wife, mother, I adopted a child, boxer, triathlete, hot mom (MILF), sales representative (and at one job ranked 2nd Nationally), survivor, and now for the past 7 years I'm still trying to find out "who I am" now. I know so much about life and people, but what do I do with all of this knowledge and I yearn for the wisdom to know.

I read a lot!!!! I would like to write more, but I don't. I would love to start regularly exercise but I'm scared I will get sick again. I started drawing in a sketch book and I like that. Even though I draw like a 3rd grader. I love volunteering some of my time to my church and other passions. I love helping people in need. URGH!!!! I have no idea what I'm going to do when I grow up!

So I have come up with some conclusions, do you want to hear them? Or read them? Life is so short, I know people say that all the time, but when a family has experienced a death of a child like ours, you really get and understand and respect that phrase. I want to be happy and most of all I want to make God happy. I have a strong desire to do what God wants me to do, but I don't know what that is yet. So for now I'm going to enjoy my life, close my mouth, open my ears, and wait for my Savior to direct me.....THEN JUMP ON IT!!!! I hope you do the same.

Life Is Messy, So Grow Up

I am very transparent with my life and the happenings that go along with it. Honestly, you can ask me anything and I will answer it with only the truth. Except to my husband.JUST KIDDING!!!!! I believe that SO many people are "playing" the part of having that perfect life, family, and marriage. But I don't, my life is far from perfect...it is very messy.

And we (as a family) clean up these messes together.  But some are hard and it may take years to clean up.  And as adults and parents you have to put limits and consequences on these "messes" and the people who make them.

Personally I think some parents don't care. They have become too "self involved" or just plan lazy to clean up their messes. You know who suffers from this kind of attitude? Their children of course, but what about those kids friends? What about the parents that are trying so hard to keep their kids strong and not give into peer pressure. We try and even role model, but sometimes it doesn't matter.

So if you read my Blogs and you are a lazy parent this one is for you. Not only are you hurting YOUR CHILDREN...but you are hurting their friends and their families. So straighten up and make rules, give out chores, don't try to buy your kids love. I promise you children don't want things.....they want to know you care and love them, and objects/toys doesn't cut it.