"Big Joe's Bar"

Here's one for you all......My youngest son, Joe, who is only 12 years old wanted to open a bar. So we had a long chat about it, and his idea about this even though it was "crazy" it's also very imaginative. Joe sat me down and explained to me that he wants to open a bar here in the house...OUR house. Specifically, in his bedroom. I asked him what he was going to serve. He told me beer, wine, juice boxes, and soda. It took so much for me not to laugh in his face, but he was extremely serious about this and I didn't want to discourage him. So we took this "Bar" idea for a spin.

I asked him what the name was going to be and he said, "Joe's Bar". So together we brainstormed about different names for his bar and decided on "Big Joe's Bar". I explained to him that he needs to have a liquor's license for this, and he told me "No Problem, I can get that easy". The snag came when I told him I do not want adults and kids trampling in my house and up my stairs to his room. That one caught him off guard (like really? Are you serious?). He had to stop and think on that one.

After a few minutes of thinking about it he jumped right back into the conversation and stated that "Big Joe's Bar" would be a traveling bar. And thankfully after a couple minutes of persuasion he decided to drop the beer and wine and just cater to kids with juice boxes,soda, and possibly energy drinks. He is going to put the drinks in our cooler that rolls and sell the drinks at our neighborhood pool and other pools around here. It's actually is a great idea, I know our pool doesn't have a vending machine. So prices start at, one juice box is going to be $1.00, soda $1.50, and he might include energy drinks which would be $2.00. I love this kid so much, and I love the ideas he comes up with.

This was just one of many, another one of his ideas was to pickup dog poop. But I will leave that story for another day.

What to do, What to do?????

When getting thrown curve balls you hit them the best you can. I believe that's the way life is. Life is never straight on target, you get curves and then you learn to roll with them. It's your choice if you roll with the curves with ease or resistance. I do a bit of both. There are some things that I feel so strongly about, that I will not compromise my morals. And then there is just the opposite. Sometimes a little of this and a little of that is not so bad. ALL IN MODERATION!!!

I do wish I had more drive to make some changes in my life. I was a triathlete from 2000 till 2004, with only 11% body fat. Yeah, I was looking good (if I may say so myself). But then I needed to slow down but I wouldn't, not even after 4 left knee surgeries. And running a half marathon with meningitis. After that I got really sick, and had to quit everything. And I got fat and somewhat lazy, as far as exercising goes. But at that time I wasn't healthy I was fit. There is a big difference between the two. Basically my body shut down, and I lost what my identity was back then. I was a triathlete, mom, wife, and then Christian. So me "having" to slow my life down was a blessing....in disguise.

I have always been one to have a "title". I was a kid, High School Graduate, College Graduate, Christian, wife, mother, I adopted a child, boxer, triathlete, hot mom (MILF), sales representative (and at one job ranked 2nd Nationally), survivor, and now for the past 7 years I'm still trying to find out "who I am" now. I know so much about life and people, but what do I do with all of this knowledge and I yearn for the wisdom to know.

I read a lot!!!! I would like to write more, but I don't. I would love to start regularly exercise but I'm scared I will get sick again. I started drawing in a sketch book and I like that. Even though I draw like a 3rd grader. I love volunteering some of my time to my church and other passions. I love helping people in need. URGH!!!! I have no idea what I'm going to do when I grow up!

So I have come up with some conclusions, do you want to hear them? Or read them? Life is so short, I know people say that all the time, but when a family has experienced a death of a child like ours, you really get and understand and respect that phrase. I want to be happy and most of all I want to make God happy. I have a strong desire to do what God wants me to do, but I don't know what that is yet. So for now I'm going to enjoy my life, close my mouth, open my ears, and wait for my Savior to direct me.....THEN JUMP ON IT!!!! I hope you do the same.

Life Is Messy, So Grow Up

I am very transparent with my life and the happenings that go along with it. Honestly, you can ask me anything and I will answer it with only the truth. Except to my husband.JUST KIDDING!!!!! I believe that SO many people are "playing" the part of having that perfect life, family, and marriage. But I don't, my life is far from perfect...it is very messy.

And we (as a family) clean up these messes together.  But some are hard and it may take years to clean up.  And as adults and parents you have to put limits and consequences on these "messes" and the people who make them.

Personally I think some parents don't care. They have become too "self involved" or just plan lazy to clean up their messes. You know who suffers from this kind of attitude? Their children of course, but what about those kids friends? What about the parents that are trying so hard to keep their kids strong and not give into peer pressure. We try and even role model, but sometimes it doesn't matter.

So if you read my Blogs and you are a lazy parent this one is for you. Not only are you hurting YOUR CHILDREN...but you are hurting their friends and their families. So straighten up and make rules, give out chores, don't try to buy your kids love. I promise you children don't want things.....they want to know you care and love them, and objects/toys doesn't cut it.

BPD & DBT? No Wonder I am So Confused!

Anyone who says their family is perfect is full of crap!!! And when you have friends and neighbors and YOU think their lives are perfect, then you are full of crap! Truth is there is no such thing as a perfect couple, perfect kid, perfect family or marriage. The only thing that has been perfect on this earth was Jesus Christ. He never sinned, but He was tested, and He loved. That word "LOVE" is such a strong word.

The word "LOVE", and the many uses for it is unlimited. It actually can mean both hate and love, depending on the way it is presented. But I love to use it in the way of, "I love you with all my heart". It is an easy word to say, but for some people (like me) it is hard to believe. It is hard for me to believe that anyone can love me because honestly, I'm not sure I love myself. I don't know how many people feel that way, but I have found out why I feel it. I have a mental disease called Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD for short. It is a very complicated disease to have, basically it sucks and there is no pill that will make it go away. But I'm getting help, I am going to this therapy called:
DBT - Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). DBT was designed specifically to treat borderline personality disorder. Generally done through individual, group and phone counseling, DBT uses a skills-based approach to teach you how to regulate your emotions, tolerate distress and improve relationships. So the people around me, really only my family knows what truly the symptoms are. I have been in distress so many times, which puts my family in distress. It has been very hard on them and myself.

So this "LOVE" thing to me is wild. Mike is such a wonderful leader, he's so patient, he has never threatened to leave me, even though I have done it to him many times, and he helps the kids try to understand all the chaos that is happening in our lives. When Mike says he loves me he actually means it, even though I don't know how he can. So when he says, "I love you", in my mind all I think is,"why and how". But when I say it to him I mean it. I truly mean it, I love Mike so much that the words don't do it justice. But through my DBT I will learn to understand his love for me and I will learn to love and forgive myself.

Introducing... "Gloria", The Snow Mermaid

Anyone in the Kansas City area knows a couple of nights ago we received about 1-2 inches of snow. It was enough to call most schools out. But luckily not ours!!! My children were so mad, but I sure wasn't. Last week they had 2 days off from school and the week before that they had Friday off. Of course they will be home this Monday for the holiday. I'm telling you that our children are always out of school, especially 3rd quarter. You are probably thinking, "What kind of Mom are you that you don't want your kids home". When they are home from school I usually have at least 4-5 extra kids in my house to: feed, continuously ask them to clean up their messes, trying to sneak food in their rooms, and worse of all they take over the computer. But I love all of those "extra" kids, so I can't complain.

The snow we got was perfect for making snowmen or having a snowball fight. None of which my children did. But last night I couldn't sleep. Have you ever had one of those nights when you just can't settle down to sleep? I seem to have them very often, but last night was different. Instead of curling up on our warm comfy sofa, with the TV remote, a big glass of water, pillows, and at least two comforters...I went outside at around 10:00pm and started playing in the snow. I had on my slippers, no coat, just a scarf, and mittens. The worst part about it was I was in my pajamas. But I was so excited to go out there and dig into that snow that I didn't care.

I tried to get my oldest daughter, Sarah-Kate, to come outside with me, but she said it was too cold (Whatever!) My husband, Mike, wasn't home because he works weird hours. None of that stopped me from going outside to try to make something out of that perfect white icy snow. Even if it was very dark, and I couldn't see very well, or the fact I didn't have a shovel to help move the snow. I went into the garage and started looking through Mike's tools. I found exactly what I needed...a big squeegee thing. He uses it when he washes out the garage floor and it pushes the water out. Basically a big windshield wiper on a stick. I moved some snow and got started.

First I made a big ball of snow thinking I was going to make a snowman. But everyone makes snowmen with the carrot for a nose and stones for his eyes. I didn't want to do that, I didn't want to be like everyone else. I guess you could say I'm a bit competitive. I was looking at my big white cold snowball and knew that a regular snowman would not do our family and house justice. So my brain juices started running, and I decided I was going to make an octopus out of this ball. I started making the tentacles, two actually, and realized I forgot if they have eight or twelve tentacles. So that was out. Then I thought I would make a spider instead. I knew spiders only had 8 legs and I was going to use black shiny glass beads for the eyes. But how many eyes? Then I started second guessing myself and was thinking spiders only have six legs. That sounded wrong too, so I gave up on that idea.

After one hour outside I had a third idea. I was going to make a person look like they were buried in the snow. Like in that episode of "Friends" when Joey gets buried in the sand, but has boobs. That is what I was going to do. The two tentacles were transformed into arms and away I went. After awhile I realized I didn't like that idea either, but left the "arms". It was getting close to two hours outside, then...

Finally, I GOT IT!!!! After being in the snow with just a scarf, mittens, and my slippers I knew what I was going to make. I was going to make a full bodied MERMAID!!!! So I formed the body, it took awhile because our dog, Boo, kept running through her fins. I perfectly formed the body and tail. I even smoothed out the body, tail, made her head smaller, and made BOOBS! I knew I couldn't keep "Gloria the Snow Mermaid" naked because we have neighbors with young kids...so back to the garage for supplies.

I had a bag full of leis, and two different kinds of grass skirts. I bought them for a Hula Party we never had. I pulled out a sparkly green hula skirt for her hair. When I did that I knew I made the right decision to make a mermaid, plus it was now about two or more hours I have been outside. I used two blue flowers from a lei for the eyes and red flowers for the mouth. I was almost done. The only thing left would be the coconut shells to go over the boobs. At that time all I could think of was that Heidi girl from "The Hills", and how she wanted size "H" implants for "Heidi". Since I was the snow plastic surgeon I was going to make these boob big...real big.

I didn't even think about the size of them until I went to put the shells on her naked private pieces parts. The shells didn't even come close to fitting. I guess I might have a bit of an obsession with snow boobs, or the power to make them any size I want. I had to take snow off the top of them and shove those shells on her. I'm talking packing them in. I have to say I'm pretty proud of Gloria, even if her face does look like Tammy Faye Bakker with green sparkly hair. Last night was so fun, I felt like I did back in Youngstown, OH. We always had snow like this, but better.

A round of Admiration and Love for Everyone, I'm Buying!

Have you ever caught yourself not breathing, and when you finally take that deep breath and your fingertips tingle? Well, I have been having that "Finger Tingle" feeling quite often lately. Anyone who has read any of my Blogs knows that I am very candid with my life from my feelings, my trials, to my triumphs. This is going NOT going to be one of those! No I'm just kidding... kind of. I really only want to touch on a few things because the laughter in our house is back, Thank you Jesus. Later I'll fill you in on December 2011-February 2012. You all have to remind me, because I don't remember things very well on behalf of my three concussions last year.

Mike and I are praying if it is God's Will if we are to start holding support meetings for parents of children who have gone astray. Its purpose is to help parents know and understand;
1. The signs of when the child is starting to get out of control. And trust me the first sign is not just their grades dropping, but that is one of them.
2. Explain the process of "feelings" parents could possibly go through from finding out their children are not perfect to recovery.
3. To teach parents that "Feelings are NOT the Truth", and surviving on the truth.
4. How to stay calm during the first confronting, and not getting manipulated by your child.
5. How to decide on "When is Enough". Setting boundaries and protecting any younger children in the house.
So please say prayers for Mike and I to know that this is what He wants us to do. Thanks in advance, plus I would love to have your input about this. Leave a comment if you would, Thanks

I have an Allie story. She is so funny and very loud, I don't have a clue where she got it. So the other night Sarah-Kate, Allie, and I went to get Sarah-Kate a "Monroe" piercing. When the three of us are together some decisions we make are not always the most correct ones or it could be called making "Bad Choices". In my defense I start out on our adventures ecstatic because I have my girls with me and I know there won't be any fighting between any of us. We picked up Sarah-Kate from work at 5pm and started on our way to Missouri for her piercing. I was late, like usual, picking her up and she was starving. We all decided on AppleBee's off 103rd & State Line. We just ordered and Katy Perry's "Firework" came on and I dared Allie to dance around the restaurant. I told her I would give her $5 bucks if she did (she said she'd do it for free". It was going to be a win/win situation for her since she was already singing (sort of loud) and frolicking in the booth. AND SHE DID IT!!!! I have a video of it, some people were laughing with her and some people were looking at her with eyebrows down not knowing what she was doing. She is really coming out of her shell.

And finally another celebration. On February 5th it will be Mike's Anniversary for being sober for 5 years, he hasn't had a drop of alcohol, NADA, nothing, he just walked away from it. I can't even begin to explain the admiration and love I have for him. It's also going to be a 2 month Anniversary for another beautiful young woman that has been drug and alcohol free. Can we all have a round of applause for them? We have to thank God first because for the last 2 months He was and still is our pilot. I am so grateful and proud of them.

This is getting long so I will wrap it up. I have more stories of Mike and the kids, they are my world. Thank you for taking the time out and reading this. Please comment and follow me...I would really appreciate it. God Bless You and May You Bless God ~ Kristen

What happened to 2011?

Well I hope this new year is a good one. Last year Mike and I said that 2011 was going to be our year. Yep, we said it was but it wasn't. With the difficult times we experienced it made us drop to our knees and just give it all up to God. And that is exactly what we did, that is all we could do. The month of December we really had a hard time with money, kids, family, and our own inner battles. I'm praying we rode out the storms (thanks to God), and won all those battles.

The things our family went through are truly unbelievable. I suffered 3 concussions from Feb. to Dec. My husband went through 3 jobs until the one he has now. And luckily, it is for more pay and he likes it. Sarah-Kate had to go through Hell in the month of December. But the outcome was so worth it. Allie is starting to have that peer pressure to drink and boys. She is staying strong and true to her values. Joe still is battling Marfan Syndrome of course. He had 2 laser eye surgeries in November, and now he is having trouble with his lungs. This is such a horrible disease. He loved to skateboard, I took him and his friends to different parks in the Kansas City area. But his synthetic lenses are now dislocating again and he is not able to skateboard any longer. And then there is Nate. All I want to say about that situation is we no longer speak to him until he makes some lifestyle changes.

But with all that crap we went through there is always things that went well. There were no divorces, we have our health, we all have made new friends, we found a new church, Life Church, and we all love each other. Plus, Mike and I are back on our routine of praying together everyday. The most important thing is I'm closer to God than I was at the beginning of the year. When things are going well in your life you say a real quick "Thank you" and think very litle about Jesus. But when things are bad you honestly realize and reflect that you have not had your alone prayer time with Him, you're not reading your Bible, the music you were listening to had nothing to do with God, and you just kind of let "things" happen. Well none of that for the Hansan Crew, and that makes everyone happy.

I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a GREAT year!