Anyone who says their family is perfect is full of crap!!! And when you have friends and neighbors and YOU think their lives are perfect, then you are full of crap! Truth is there is no such thing as a perfect couple, perfect kid, perfect family or marriage. The only thing that has been perfect on this earth was Jesus Christ. He never sinned, but He was tested, and He loved. That word "LOVE" is such a strong word.
The word "LOVE", and the many uses for it is unlimited. It actually can mean both hate and love, depending on the way it is presented. But I love to use it in the way of, "I love you with all my heart". It is an easy word to say, but for some people (like me) it is hard to believe. It is hard for me to believe that anyone can love me because honestly, I'm not sure I love myself. I don't know how many people feel that way, but I have found out why I feel it. I have a mental disease called Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD for short. It is a very complicated disease to have, basically it sucks and there is no pill that will make it go away. But I'm getting help, I am going to this therapy called:
DBT - Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). DBT was designed specifically to treat borderline personality disorder. Generally done through individual, group and phone counseling, DBT uses a skills-based approach to teach you how to regulate your emotions, tolerate distress and improve relationships. So the people around me, really only my family knows what truly the symptoms are. I have been in distress so many times, which puts my family in distress. It has been very hard on them and myself.
So this "LOVE" thing to me is wild. Mike is such a wonderful leader, he's so patient, he has never threatened to leave me, even though I have done it to him many times, and he helps the kids try to understand all the chaos that is happening in our lives. When Mike says he loves me he actually means it, even though I don't know how he can. So when he says, "I love you", in my mind all I think is,"why and how". But when I say it to him I mean it. I truly mean it, I love Mike so much that the words don't do it justice. But through my DBT I will learn to understand his love for me and I will learn to love and forgive myself.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Introducing... "Gloria", The Snow Mermaid
Anyone in the Kansas City area knows a couple of nights ago we received about 1-2 inches of snow. It was enough to call most schools out. But luckily not ours!!! My children were so mad, but I sure wasn't. Last week they had 2 days off from school and the week before that they had Friday off. Of course they will be home this Monday for the holiday. I'm telling you that our children are always out of school, especially 3rd quarter. You are probably thinking, "What kind of Mom are you that you don't want your kids home". When they are home from school I usually have at least 4-5 extra kids in my house to: feed, continuously ask them to clean up their messes, trying to sneak food in their rooms, and worse of all they take over the computer. But I love all of those "extra" kids, so I can't complain.
The snow we got was perfect for making snowmen or having a snowball fight. None of which my children did. But last night I couldn't sleep. Have you ever had one of those nights when you just can't settle down to sleep? I seem to have them very often, but last night was different. Instead of curling up on our warm comfy sofa, with the TV remote, a big glass of water, pillows, and at least two comforters...I went outside at around 10:00pm and started playing in the snow. I had on my slippers, no coat, just a scarf, and mittens. The worst part about it was I was in my pajamas. But I was so excited to go out there and dig into that snow that I didn't care.
I tried to get my oldest daughter, Sarah-Kate, to come outside with me, but she said it was too cold (Whatever!) My husband, Mike, wasn't home because he works weird hours. None of that stopped me from going outside to try to make something out of that perfect white icy snow. Even if it was very dark, and I couldn't see very well, or the fact I didn't have a shovel to help move the snow. I went into the garage and started looking through Mike's tools. I found exactly what I needed...a big squeegee thing. He uses it when he washes out the garage floor and it pushes the water out. Basically a big windshield wiper on a stick. I moved some snow and got started.
First I made a big ball of snow thinking I was going to make a snowman. But everyone makes snowmen with the carrot for a nose and stones for his eyes. I didn't want to do that, I didn't want to be like everyone else. I guess you could say I'm a bit competitive. I was looking at my big white cold snowball and knew that a regular snowman would not do our family and house justice. So my brain juices started running, and I decided I was going to make an octopus out of this ball. I started making the tentacles, two actually, and realized I forgot if they have eight or twelve tentacles. So that was out. Then I thought I would make a spider instead. I knew spiders only had 8 legs and I was going to use black shiny glass beads for the eyes. But how many eyes? Then I started second guessing myself and was thinking spiders only have six legs. That sounded wrong too, so I gave up on that idea.
After one hour outside I had a third idea. I was going to make a person look like they were buried in the snow. Like in that episode of "Friends" when Joey gets buried in the sand, but has boobs. That is what I was going to do. The two tentacles were transformed into arms and away I went. After awhile I realized I didn't like that idea either, but left the "arms". It was getting close to two hours outside, then...
Finally, I GOT IT!!!! After being in the snow with just a scarf, mittens, and my slippers I knew what I was going to make. I was going to make a full bodied MERMAID!!!! So I formed the body, it took awhile because our dog, Boo, kept running through her fins. I perfectly formed the body and tail. I even smoothed out the body, tail, made her head smaller, and made BOOBS! I knew I couldn't keep "Gloria the Snow Mermaid" naked because we have neighbors with young kids...so back to the garage for supplies.
I had a bag full of leis, and two different kinds of grass skirts. I bought them for a Hula Party we never had. I pulled out a sparkly green hula skirt for her hair. When I did that I knew I made the right decision to make a mermaid, plus it was now about two or more hours I have been outside. I used two blue flowers from a lei for the eyes and red flowers for the mouth. I was almost done. The only thing left would be the coconut shells to go over the boobs. At that time all I could think of was that Heidi girl from "The Hills", and how she wanted size "H" implants for "Heidi". Since I was the snow plastic surgeon I was going to make these boob big...real big.
I didn't even think about the size of them until I went to put the shells on her naked private pieces parts. The shells didn't even come close to fitting. I guess I might have a bit of an obsession with snow boobs, or the power to make them any size I want. I had to take snow off the top of them and shove those shells on her. I'm talking packing them in. I have to say I'm pretty proud of Gloria, even if her face does look like Tammy Faye Bakker with green sparkly hair. Last night was so fun, I felt like I did back in Youngstown, OH. We always had snow like this, but better.
The snow we got was perfect for making snowmen or having a snowball fight. None of which my children did. But last night I couldn't sleep. Have you ever had one of those nights when you just can't settle down to sleep? I seem to have them very often, but last night was different. Instead of curling up on our warm comfy sofa, with the TV remote, a big glass of water, pillows, and at least two comforters...I went outside at around 10:00pm and started playing in the snow. I had on my slippers, no coat, just a scarf, and mittens. The worst part about it was I was in my pajamas. But I was so excited to go out there and dig into that snow that I didn't care.
I tried to get my oldest daughter, Sarah-Kate, to come outside with me, but she said it was too cold (Whatever!) My husband, Mike, wasn't home because he works weird hours. None of that stopped me from going outside to try to make something out of that perfect white icy snow. Even if it was very dark, and I couldn't see very well, or the fact I didn't have a shovel to help move the snow. I went into the garage and started looking through Mike's tools. I found exactly what I needed...a big squeegee thing. He uses it when he washes out the garage floor and it pushes the water out. Basically a big windshield wiper on a stick. I moved some snow and got started.
First I made a big ball of snow thinking I was going to make a snowman. But everyone makes snowmen with the carrot for a nose and stones for his eyes. I didn't want to do that, I didn't want to be like everyone else. I guess you could say I'm a bit competitive. I was looking at my big white cold snowball and knew that a regular snowman would not do our family and house justice. So my brain juices started running, and I decided I was going to make an octopus out of this ball. I started making the tentacles, two actually, and realized I forgot if they have eight or twelve tentacles. So that was out. Then I thought I would make a spider instead. I knew spiders only had 8 legs and I was going to use black shiny glass beads for the eyes. But how many eyes? Then I started second guessing myself and was thinking spiders only have six legs. That sounded wrong too, so I gave up on that idea.
After one hour outside I had a third idea. I was going to make a person look like they were buried in the snow. Like in that episode of "Friends" when Joey gets buried in the sand, but has boobs. That is what I was going to do. The two tentacles were transformed into arms and away I went. After awhile I realized I didn't like that idea either, but left the "arms". It was getting close to two hours outside, then...
Finally, I GOT IT!!!! After being in the snow with just a scarf, mittens, and my slippers I knew what I was going to make. I was going to make a full bodied MERMAID!!!! So I formed the body, it took awhile because our dog, Boo, kept running through her fins. I perfectly formed the body and tail. I even smoothed out the body, tail, made her head smaller, and made BOOBS! I knew I couldn't keep "Gloria the Snow Mermaid" naked because we have neighbors with young kids...so back to the garage for supplies.
I had a bag full of leis, and two different kinds of grass skirts. I bought them for a Hula Party we never had. I pulled out a sparkly green hula skirt for her hair. When I did that I knew I made the right decision to make a mermaid, plus it was now about two or more hours I have been outside. I used two blue flowers from a lei for the eyes and red flowers for the mouth. I was almost done. The only thing left would be the coconut shells to go over the boobs. At that time all I could think of was that Heidi girl from "The Hills", and how she wanted size "H" implants for "Heidi". Since I was the snow plastic surgeon I was going to make these boob big...real big.
I didn't even think about the size of them until I went to put the shells on her naked private pieces parts. The shells didn't even come close to fitting. I guess I might have a bit of an obsession with snow boobs, or the power to make them any size I want. I had to take snow off the top of them and shove those shells on her. I'm talking packing them in. I have to say I'm pretty proud of Gloria, even if her face does look like Tammy Faye Bakker with green sparkly hair. Last night was so fun, I felt like I did back in Youngstown, OH. We always had snow like this, but better.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
A round of Admiration and Love for Everyone, I'm Buying!
Have you ever caught yourself not breathing, and when you finally take that deep breath and your fingertips tingle? Well, I have been having that "Finger Tingle" feeling quite often lately. Anyone who has read any of my Blogs knows that I am very candid with my life from my feelings, my trials, to my triumphs. This is going NOT going to be one of those! No I'm just kidding... kind of. I really only want to touch on a few things because the laughter in our house is back, Thank you Jesus. Later I'll fill you in on December 2011-February 2012. You all have to remind me, because I don't remember things very well on behalf of my three concussions last year.
Mike and I are praying if it is God's Will if we are to start holding support meetings for parents of children who have gone astray. Its purpose is to help parents know and understand;
1. The signs of when the child is starting to get out of control. And trust me the first sign is not just their grades dropping, but that is one of them.
2. Explain the process of "feelings" parents could possibly go through from finding out their children are not perfect to recovery.
3. To teach parents that "Feelings are NOT the Truth", and surviving on the truth.
4. How to stay calm during the first confronting, and not getting manipulated by your child.
5. How to decide on "When is Enough". Setting boundaries and protecting any younger children in the house.
So please say prayers for Mike and I to know that this is what He wants us to do. Thanks in advance, plus I would love to have your input about this. Leave a comment if you would, Thanks
I have an Allie story. She is so funny and very loud, I don't have a clue where she got it. So the other night Sarah-Kate, Allie, and I went to get Sarah-Kate a "Monroe" piercing. When the three of us are together some decisions we make are not always the most correct ones or it could be called making "Bad Choices". In my defense I start out on our adventures ecstatic because I have my girls with me and I know there won't be any fighting between any of us. We picked up Sarah-Kate from work at 5pm and started on our way to Missouri for her piercing. I was late, like usual, picking her up and she was starving. We all decided on AppleBee's off 103rd & State Line. We just ordered and Katy Perry's "Firework" came on and I dared Allie to dance around the restaurant. I told her I would give her $5 bucks if she did (she said she'd do it for free". It was going to be a win/win situation for her since she was already singing (sort of loud) and frolicking in the booth. AND SHE DID IT!!!! I have a video of it, some people were laughing with her and some people were looking at her with eyebrows down not knowing what she was doing. She is really coming out of her shell.
And finally another celebration. On February 5th it will be Mike's Anniversary for being sober for 5 years, he hasn't had a drop of alcohol, NADA, nothing, he just walked away from it. I can't even begin to explain the admiration and love I have for him. It's also going to be a 2 month Anniversary for another beautiful young woman that has been drug and alcohol free. Can we all have a round of applause for them? We have to thank God first because for the last 2 months He was and still is our pilot. I am so grateful and proud of them.
This is getting long so I will wrap it up. I have more stories of Mike and the kids, they are my world. Thank you for taking the time out and reading this. Please comment and follow me...I would really appreciate it. God Bless You and May You Bless God ~ Kristen
Mike and I are praying if it is God's Will if we are to start holding support meetings for parents of children who have gone astray. Its purpose is to help parents know and understand;
1. The signs of when the child is starting to get out of control. And trust me the first sign is not just their grades dropping, but that is one of them.
2. Explain the process of "feelings" parents could possibly go through from finding out their children are not perfect to recovery.
3. To teach parents that "Feelings are NOT the Truth", and surviving on the truth.
4. How to stay calm during the first confronting, and not getting manipulated by your child.
5. How to decide on "When is Enough". Setting boundaries and protecting any younger children in the house.
So please say prayers for Mike and I to know that this is what He wants us to do. Thanks in advance, plus I would love to have your input about this. Leave a comment if you would, Thanks
I have an Allie story. She is so funny and very loud, I don't have a clue where she got it. So the other night Sarah-Kate, Allie, and I went to get Sarah-Kate a "Monroe" piercing. When the three of us are together some decisions we make are not always the most correct ones or it could be called making "Bad Choices". In my defense I start out on our adventures ecstatic because I have my girls with me and I know there won't be any fighting between any of us. We picked up Sarah-Kate from work at 5pm and started on our way to Missouri for her piercing. I was late, like usual, picking her up and she was starving. We all decided on AppleBee's off 103rd & State Line. We just ordered and Katy Perry's "Firework" came on and I dared Allie to dance around the restaurant. I told her I would give her $5 bucks if she did (she said she'd do it for free". It was going to be a win/win situation for her since she was already singing (sort of loud) and frolicking in the booth. AND SHE DID IT!!!! I have a video of it, some people were laughing with her and some people were looking at her with eyebrows down not knowing what she was doing. She is really coming out of her shell.
And finally another celebration. On February 5th it will be Mike's Anniversary for being sober for 5 years, he hasn't had a drop of alcohol, NADA, nothing, he just walked away from it. I can't even begin to explain the admiration and love I have for him. It's also going to be a 2 month Anniversary for another beautiful young woman that has been drug and alcohol free. Can we all have a round of applause for them? We have to thank God first because for the last 2 months He was and still is our pilot. I am so grateful and proud of them.
This is getting long so I will wrap it up. I have more stories of Mike and the kids, they are my world. Thank you for taking the time out and reading this. Please comment and follow me...I would really appreciate it. God Bless You and May You Bless God ~ Kristen
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