Anyone who says their family is perfect is full of crap!!! And when you have friends and neighbors and YOU think their lives are perfect, then you are full of crap! Truth is there is no such thing as a perfect couple, perfect kid, perfect family or marriage. The only thing that has been perfect on this earth was Jesus Christ. He never sinned, but He was tested, and He loved. That word "LOVE" is such a strong word.
The word "LOVE", and the many uses for it is unlimited. It actually can mean both hate and love, depending on the way it is presented. But I love to use it in the way of, "I love you with all my heart". It is an easy word to say, but for some people (like me) it is hard to believe. It is hard for me to believe that anyone can love me because honestly, I'm not sure I love myself. I don't know how many people feel that way, but I have found out why I feel it. I have a mental disease called Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD for short. It is a very complicated disease to have, basically it sucks and there is no pill that will make it go away. But I'm getting help, I am going to this therapy called:
DBT - Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). DBT was designed specifically to treat borderline personality disorder. Generally done through individual, group and phone counseling, DBT uses a skills-based approach to teach you how to regulate your emotions, tolerate distress and improve relationships. So the people around me, really only my family knows what truly the symptoms are. I have been in distress so many times, which puts my family in distress. It has been very hard on them and myself.
So this "LOVE" thing to me is wild. Mike is such a wonderful leader, he's so patient, he has never threatened to leave me, even though I have done it to him many times, and he helps the kids try to understand all the chaos that is happening in our lives. When Mike says he loves me he actually means it, even though I don't know how he can. So when he says, "I love you", in my mind all I think is,"why and how". But when I say it to him I mean it. I truly mean it, I love Mike so much that the words don't do it justice. But through my DBT I will learn to understand his love for me and I will learn to love and forgive myself.
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